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Question:
I got your name from the hindunet.org website and was wondering if I
could ask you a few questions. I am in a relationship with a gentleman
who has a father from East India and a mother from Canada. As my
boyfriend and I have begun discussing marriage, an Indian Wedding has
been discussed. I am Christian and my boyfriend is not religious. I
would like to have a wedding that is not in a church and performed
by a justice of the peace, so as not to make religion an issue of
this marriage. We have discussed this and we do not plan on
raising children in any specific religion, rather we will leave it up to
their choice. My boyfriend would like to have an Indian wedding so as to
please his parents. His parents would like for him to have an Indian
wedding in addition to a traditional American wedding. He is not a
practicing Hindu. I am having trouble with the idea of participating in
a religious Hindu ceremony, since I am a Christian. I have no intention
of practicing the Hindu religion. The ceremony is simply to please his
parents and to make the marriage recognized by his family that remains
in India. Would it be looked upon poorly for a wedding such as this to
take place? In general, what type of religious aspects are involved in
the seven wedding vows? Do you have any suggestions?
I would greatly appreciate your help!
Answer: Hindu
religion is not a religion in the sense a religion is understood in the
West.
Hindu religion does not divide humanity into holy believers and unholy
others. It respects all
religions and considers them as different paths to the ultimate human
goal of communion with God, which in other frames of reference is also
called nirvana, moksha, etc. If someone asked me:
“What would I get, if I study or practice Hinduism?” I
would say: “If you are a
Christian you would become a better Christian. If
you are a Muslim, you will become a better Muslim. If
you are a Jew, you will become a better Jew. Whatever
you are, you will become better.” Making a human being a “better”
human being is the only goal of Hindu religious tradition.
There is no theological necessity in Hinduism for proselytization. All
Hindu religious doctrines are universal in content and character. The
world is viewed as one family (vasudhaiva kutumbhkam). Even
Hindu prayers are universal. When
Hindus pray, they do not pray for themselves, they pray for all humans,
animals, birds and even the plants and trees. This
is why Henry David Thoreau, one of the greatest American minds, once
said,” Whenever I have read any part of the Vedas (Hindu scriptures),
I have felt that some unearthly and unknown light illuminated me.”
In Hinduism, wedding ceremony is viewed as the
beginning of a responsible and purposeful life. Prayers
are offered to God (symbolized by nuptial fire) in the presence of
family and friends for successful wedded life. The
major part of a Hindu wedding ceremony is what is called
sapatpadi (seven promises). The
bride and the groom take seven steps together around the nuptial
fire and make the seven promises: to nourish each other, to grow
together in strength, preserve wealth, share in joys and sorrows, care
for children, be together forever, remain lifelong friends like two
wings of a bird. There is
nothing Hindu about these seven promises. They
are universally applicable to successful married life. There
is nothing in Hindu wedding ceremony that challenges the faiths and
practices of any other religion. As
such a Hindu wedding ceremony could be called “a human wedding
ceremony.” In American
culture, a wedding is a wedding between individuals. However,
in Hindu culture, a wedding is a wedding between two families.
I suggest that you go ahead with both weddings, a traditional Christian
wedding as well
as a traditional Hindu wedding. After
all, without traditions, we would be no more than a
single species without any individuality or identity. By participating
in the rites of one religion
does not mean that one is adopting that religion. When an American
tourist visits a temple in India, he takes his shoes off and bows down
to pray, but that doesn't mean he has become a Hindu. Performing both
weddings would actually be the very first of many compromises that will
need to be made for a wedded life to be successful. A wedded life
without compromises is akin to a forest without trees or a river without
water.
My best wishes to both of you for a happy and prosperous wedded life
together.
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